Awkward Conversations/Moments

We keep making communism jokes, and we have one friend from Russia and one from China. >.>

Awesome xD During lunch:

Josh: "We watched a WWII movie in History."
Aikawa: "Fuck, I hated learning about World War II. I already knew everything about it from the German perspective. And for, like, the entire month, everybody kept glaring at me and giving me the 'Heil Hitler' salute. And, Kyle, you remember that Chinese kid?"
Kyle: "Yeah. There was this Chinese kid in my class, and he came up to me and said, 'Oh, so you're French? No wonder French got conquered so easily. My country stayed strong!'"
Aikawa: "Yeah, that was weird. I went home and showed my dad that everybody kept giving me the 'Heil Hitler', and I imitated them, and he yelled, 'Disgraceful! You do not salute Hitler with your left hand! It is your right! You must use your right hand! Elaine! You go to school and you tell those idiots they have no right, and should stop it! That salute is also an insult to Germans everywhere and a criminal offense! And if they want to be a little criminal hooligan and do it, they should do it the right way! You teach them! Heil mein Führer! You tell them that!' And I was like, 'Ja, vati.' And then he started yelling angrily in German."
Josh: "Dude, your dad is a fucking Nazi."

No, Josh, he is not. He told me once that he is most definitely not a fan of Hitler.

Me: "So... are you part of the Nazi party, or..."
Aikawa's Dad: "NO, I AM NOT. THAT IS DISGRACEFUL AND AN INSULT TO GERMANS EVERYWHERE! I was merely proud of my homeland for achieving such high status and power, and was in awe of Hitler, as he was the leader! But I have no respect for that man! He ran away from his problems with suicide and did not accept his fate! He was a disgusting, ruthless, conniving embarrassment of a German! He should not have killed himself! Real Germans do not surrender! We take it as we see it! I do not like him, nor do I dislike him. I agree with him and about how the other countries took the land that rightfully belonged to Germany and did unfair things to my homeland, but I do not agree with how he went about it! Those Frenchmen! We deserve the Rhineland!"
Aikawa's Mom: "Settle down, dear."
Aikawa's Dad: "*angry German*"
Me: "... So I see."

After winning Scrabble:

Me: "I DOMINATE. HOLLAH!"
Italian Grandmother: "... o.o"
Me: "... Um. >w>"

Oh, those Italians xD Speaking of crazy Italians...

Chris: "So, you're Josh's mom's boyfriend?"
Brent: "I'm Brent."
Chris: "Good for you. I'm Chris. That's short for Christopher, as in Christopher Columbus. I'm half Italian and half Polish. My mom is from Florence and my dad is from Warsaw."
Brent: "Oh--"
Chris: "That trumps everything, so don't even try to retaliate."
Brent: "... Okay."
Chris: "And this is Joe. He's full Italian. Hence the sexiness. He's my Italian stallion."
Joe: "Ah, amore, ti amo."
Brent: "... That's... great. I'm Czech."
Chris: "I said don't try to retaliate. Italian beats everything. Your epicness level just went off charts, and I mean that in the negative way."
Josh's Mom: "OKAY, THEN. IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU, CHRIS."
Chris: "A pleasure as always, ma'am."
Josh's Mom: "Oh, thank you, sweetheart!"
Chris: "No, I meant talking to me is always a pleasure. But you're cool, I guess."
Josh's Mom: "... Thanks."

Yeah. I love him.

A typical night at my family's dinner table.

Greg: "Elaine, you know your friend who kind of looks like Barbie?"
Me: "... No."
Greg: "The French one who likes the tall redhead who always wears the leather jacket."
Me: "You mean Kyle."
Greg: "Oh, so that is his name. Does he like Britney Spears?"
Me: "Yeah, why?"
Greg: "I just heard that If U Seek Amy song on the radio."
Dad: "That is inappropriate. Do not repeat that at the dinner table."
Greg: "What? If U Seek Amy?"
Dad: "... English is not even my first language, and yet I understand the force behind those words. Gregory, delve deeper into it. Some things you do not take at face value."
Greg: "If U Seek Amy... If... you... seek... Oh."
Aaron: "Wow, you're a loser."
Dad: "That was very much like the time when I first moved to Amerika. A man gave me the 'OK' sign. I did not realize what it meant."
Greg: "That is... not like my situation at all."
Dad: "It is! Now be quiet and eat your dinner!"
And then silence for the rest of the time.

This is what happens when you guys come over.

Kyle: "Oh, so this is German food?"
Mom: "I am sorry if it is not to your liking. I do not know many French recipes."
Kyle: "Nah, it's cool. Hey, Mister Elaine's Dad!"
Dad: "YOU WILL SHOW ME PROPER RESPECT!"
Kyle: "*salutes* GUTEN TAG, FÜHRER!"
Dad: "... *sigh* Leave me be, young Frenchman."
Kyle: "JA!"
Aaron: "Wow, you just butchered our language."
Kyle: "Ah... Je le sais."
Aaron: "What?"
Chris: "Italians and Poles are better."
Josh: "This tastes really good."
Chris: "Not as good as my grandmother's lasagna."
Mom: "... Thank you, Christopher."
Chris: "You can just call me Chris."
Mom: "I would rather... not."
Aaron: "CHRIS. That's not Italian."
Chris: "Oh, because Aaron is German? Fuck that. Chris is short for Christopher, and don't even tell me that's not Italian. Who do you think discovered America, hmm? That's right. Christopher Columbus. Genius. Hell, Christopher has 'Christ' in it, which means I'm like a fucking godsend. And my middle name is Anastasio. Burn."
Aaron: "Mine is Emil!"
Jeremy: "Mine is Mitchell!"
Rachel: "... Mine is Greta."
Aaron: "Lame. That's an old lady name."
Kyle: "Aimé is cooler than those combined."
Greg: "... Is that a woman's name?"
Kyle: "NO. IT'S JUST FRENCH."
Chris: "Yeah, everything there is a floozy, so gender is neutral."
Kyle: "Oh, be quiet."
Chris: "WELL, THEN--"
Dad: "ACHTUNG!"
Chris: "What?"
Dad: "... Forget it."
Chris: "JA, FÜHRER. HEIL HITLER."
Dad: "THAT IS OFFENSIVE.'
Chris: "How do you say 'I don't care' in German?"
Mom: "Christopher."
Dad: "... It is fine. He represents his country quite well."
Josh: "I REPRESENT NEW YORK."
Jeremy: "I GOT IT ON MY BACK."
Chris: "Thank you, I am ever so hot."
Greg: "Muy caliente?"
Chris: "Dude, that's Spanish. Seriously. Learn some languages other than German."
Greg: "I speak English!"
Chris: "Dude, you don't use contractions. The only people who do are Elaine and Aaron!"
Dad: "SHUT UP AND EAT THE GODDAMN DINNER."
Kyle: "You didn't need to yell."
Chris: "No, he's German. He represents his country quite well."
Dad: "*sigh* I give up."
Mom: "*pats his head*"

You guys make him pissed really quickly. And my brothers. Dad never gets mad at his little angel :3

Dude, your dad loves us. You know it! Seriously, today was THE best fucking day. Ever. In history. Chris brought me lunch. And then he went into a tirade, which is funny, because he's Chris, and when he gets really mad, you can kind of start to hear him mix all of his accents together in some weird Polish/Italian/English accent. And his face gets really red, and he's really loud, and his hand gestures become more rapid and have less actual meaning xD It's hilarious.

Chris: "I made myself some lasagna for lunch, and then my mom forced me to bring some for you, since she said you told her your favorite kind of food is Italian. So here, I brought it for you, now eat it."
Me: "WOW. Gee, thanks, I--"
Chris: "But don't think I wanted to give up my food for you."
Me: "... Thanks, Chris."
Chris: "My dad almost made me bring in his famous kielbasa for you! I am not sharing that."
Me: "... What?"
Chris: "It's a Polish thing. Oh, and then she tells me, 'Christopher, you bring in some chiacchiere for that girl!' And I'm like, 'No fucking way.' And then she starts yelling at me in Italian, and then dad starts yelling at her in Polish to be quiet, and then they get into another Italian/Polish shouting matches where only I can understand both sides. Oh, and get this, my cousin married some Irish ginger dude from Ireland, legit, and they're coming over to celebrate St. Patrick's Day this weekend. My mom is like, 'I'll make some Irish food'! And I'm like, 'Do you remember what happened last time you did that on St. Patrick's Day?' Yeah. It tasted like shit. And then my dad started yelling at my mom in Polish about how Italian people should just stick to Italian food, and she didn't understand a word of it, so she started yelling at him in Italian to 'shut the fuck up' and I had to sit there and listen to my parents fight in front of my cousin and her fiance, as he was at that time. And my cousin and Irish dude only know English, so they had no idea what was going on. And then Joe came over, and was like, 'My mom made baked ziti for dinner. She told me to come get you. You wanna come over?' And I'm like, 'Yes, thank God', because, seriously? My mom can't cook Irish food. And then I came back from Joe's house, my cousin and her fiance were gone, and my dad went out for Shamrock shakes. Granted that I already at panforte at Joe's, I was still pissed when my mom told me he wasn't going to get one for me because she thought I would have already has desert. I'm Italian and Polish, woman! I can eat two desserts!"
Me: "That's cool. So every non-Italian holiday you get into Italian/Polish fights over food, and then Joe comes to rescue you?"
Chris: "The story of my life."

All italicized food words are words that I tried my best to spell, using google, and have no idea what they mean. Though, I'm pretty sure kielbasa is Polish sausage.

We have corned beef and cabbage with potatoes every St. Patrick's Day. I hate corned beef. I wanna eat at Colonel's house, they have lasagna. =w=

I love this kid.

Dad: "So, John, my lovely family and I visit Germany every summer!"
John: "That's nice, sir."
Dad: "AS YOU ARE A NICE, YOUNG MAN, AND I DEFINITELY SEE YOU STAYING THE FUTURE, I PROPOSE THAT YOU SHOULD JOIN US ONE SUMMER TO MEET ELAINE'S GRANDPARENTS."
John: "Um--"
Dad: "MY FATHER WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU. HE IS A WWII VETERAN, I WILL LET YOU KNOW."
John: "That's--"
Dad: "Ah, this was a long, long time ago, but I remember him telling me stories of the German blitzkrieg and of Auschwitz! Of Arbeit macht frei! Such horrible nightmares they induced. Some days, I was almost afraid to sleep! It is no wonder why I decided to come to America!"
John: "... Wait, your dad is from Germany."
Dad: "YES, YOUNG MAN."
John: "So... your dad was a Nazi."
Dad: "And a fine one at that!"
John: "... That's... really... um... fascinating."
Dad: "Oh, yes it is! You must come with us one summer. My father tells the best stories! Granted, he is now very old, and he only speaks German, but I shall translate for you, young man! You will learn the stories of the family you will someday marry into!"
John: "... German World War II stories."
Dad: "Ja! They still haunt me to this day, the devastations of which he told me."
John: "Why would you want to tell me them?"
Dad: "BECAUSE THEY MAKE YOU CULTURED, AND SEE WHY WE SHOULD HAVE WON! WHAT A PERFECT UTOPIA THIS WORLD COULD HAVE BEEN IF--"
Greg: "SO, HAS ANYBODY HEARD OF THAT BAND, TOKIO HOTEL?! YEAH, I HEAR THEY ARE GERMAN."

Later:

John: "You know, it's kind of really hard to understand your dad when he gets really into stuff like that. His accent starts getting really thick, and he kept pronouncing the 'w's like 'v's."
Me: "Yeah, I know."
John: "... Doe he seriously think Hitler should have won?"
Me: "No, he just gets swept in his German pride. Trust me, he doesn't like Hitler, okay?"
John: "... Okay. Do I have to visit your German family?"
Me: "No, John."
John: "... Okay. Just... making sure. I kind of don't want to hear about concentration camps. What did he say earlier? It was German. After he said 'Auschwitz'."
Me: "... Arbeit macht frei?"
John: "Yeah. Is it bad?"
Me: "Well--"
John: "You know what, no. Don't tell me. I don't want to know. Damn it, your family is a bunch of crazy Germans."
Me: "I know. Get used to it."
John: "I know. And all your friends are weird, too!"
Me: "Once again, get used to it."
John: "I mean, they're cool, I guess, but damn... my life was normal. I was hot and single and a beach-goer. And then I met you. And now it's not normal. Instead, it's full of angry Germans, gingers, freakishly tall people, musical prodigies, nameless boyfriends, loud Italians, loud Italians who take their shirt off and run in the snow, loud Polish people, lock-picking Puerto Ricans, yes, I heard that story, and a blonde Frenchman! And that Russian guy! Who speaks every fucking language, except for the popular ones! And that's not even half of it! What the fuck. Seriously. What is this bullshit."
Me: "... Yeah, but it's pretty awesome, right?"
John: "... Okay, yeah, it's pretty awesome."

Screw America, John is officially my hero xD And dude, your dad only continues to scare me. What does that German phrase mean?

... Dude, were you on at my house?

Nuuuuuuu >.> And Arbeit macht frei are the words on the gate to Auschwitz, translated, it means something along the lines of, "Work makes you free."

And yeah, John is the best.

I love these guys too much.

Chris: "Hey, Kyle?"
Kyle: "Yeah, Chris?"
Chris: "... Does it bother you how gay we've gotten?"
Kyle: "... We've always been gay."
Chris: "... Yeah, I guess you're right."

And then they went back to painting their nails.

Frankie's Boyfriend: "It bothers me."
Chris: "Nobody asked you."

... Just...

Kyle: "JOSH! Watch it, you almost spilled your red gatorade on my pants!"
Josh: "Your fault for wearing white pants."
Kyle: "They're nice pants, Josh, and I like to look nice."
Josh: "I always look nice, but I usually wear jeans and a T-shirt. You should just do that."
Kyle: "I said nice, not emo."
Josh: "... I'm emo because I wear jeans and a T-shirt?"
Kyle: "No, you wear skinny jeans, and T-shirts that have creepy band names on them. That's emo."
Chris: "That's not emo. Emo is cutting yourself. That's... being an emo poser. What is that called? Scene?"
Josh: "I'm not scene, Chris. If skinny jeans and music T-shirts are scene, then almost all of my friends, who aren't you guys, are scene--Wait... That doesn't work... What about that one kid? Seth's British friend? That guy's emo."
Chris: "No, he's just stuck in England's glam/punk era. You're scene."
Josh: "Would you shut up? I'm not scene. At least I don't wear white pants."
Kyle: "They're fashionable, okay?"
Josh: "Dude, it looks like Easter just threw up on you."
Kyle: "I had visit my mom at work, so I had look like an uptight prick! And I don't even celebrate Easter!"
Josh: "I think you've capture stuffed shirt business man quite well. Yellow sweater vest, check. Clean white pants, check. Ironed shirt, check. Plain tie, check."
Chris: "I think it looks nice."
Kyle: "Thank you, Chris."
Josh: "I think it looks nice, too. I'm just saying. It only looks nice on you."
Kyle: "Aww, thank you."
Chris: "It wouldn't look nice on me?"
Josh: "You're half Italian. I'm sure it would."
Kyle: "... Cool, Josh."
Josh: "I can never win."

... Hmm...

SOUTH PARK!

Cartman: "*on TV* Yeah, well, when Hitler rose to power a lot of people 'stopped playing'. You know who they were? The French!"
Dad: "DAMN STRAIGHT! THAT FUCKING TELEVISION IS CORRECT!"
Mother: "DEAR!"
Dad: "IT IS TRUE! THE PARK OF THE SOUTH IS RIGHT!"
Aaron: "The park of south...? Dad, I love you."

Somebody had to bring up the topic of abortion. (Aikawa, really? Why. You knew this would happen.)

Aikawa: "What do you guys think about abortion?"
Kyle: "Well, abortion isn't wrong, it's--"
Josh: "What are you talking about? Of course it's wrong. It morally wrong in every sense of the word!"
Kyle: "Oh, for heaven's sake, it is not. I think a woman should be able to choose whether or not she wants to have a baby."
Josh: "Yeah, that's why there's birth control."
Kyle: "Remind me again who's Church says birth control is sinful?"
Josh: "... Yeah, well, you shouldn't be having sex until you're married, anyway."
Kyle: "Really."
Josh: "... Well, if you're straight."
Kyle: "Mhmm."
Josh: "No, seriously."
Kyle: "Oui, I believe you."
Chris: "Sorry, dude, but abortion is wrong."
Josh: "THANK you!"
Tyler: "No, no, you're looking at it from a completely warped perspective! A baby doesn't matter until it's developed--"
Seth: "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT."
Tyler: "Well, it's not like it can do anything in the beginning. It's totally fine."
Josh: "Now that's warped."
Kyle: "It is not warped! It's correct."
Chris: "What the hell, Kyle?"
Kyle: "Same to you!"
Chris: "Look, my mom is from Italy. If I didn't look at things religiously, she would kill me."
Josh: "God creates everyone in his image--"
Kyle: "I guess you think he created the Earth in seven days, too."
Josh: "... He did."
Kyle: "Uh-huh. That's really believable."
Seth: "It is!"
Tyler: "No one man can create the Earth in seven days. It's impossible!"
Josh: "Well, if you want to get into specifics, he created it in six days, and then rested on the seventh."
Seth: "Frankie is the deciding factor. What do you think?"
Frankie: "I agree with Kyle and Tyler."
Frankie's Boyfriend: "THANK YOU. If you didn't, we'd have some serious issues."
Frankie: "Yeah, well, I'm not all that religious, anyway."
Aikawa: "I agree with Frankie, her boyfriend, Kyle, and Tyler."
Seth: "You all sicken me--WAIT, THAT WAS RUDE. SORRY!"
Josh: "Come on, Jeremy, you're religious. What do you think?"
Jeremy: "Honestly, I don't care. But I guess it's wrong. I mean, I kind of believe what my parents shoved down my throat. Yeah, okay, I'll join your side."
Josh: "FINALLY. Someone with common sense. Rachel?"
Me: "It's not wrong."
Josh: "... Your dad is a bad influence."
(Yes, my dad is very pro-choice, and I do agree with him.)
Josh: "What does Jordan think?"
Me: "He has his own opinion until my dad voices his, and then he just agrees with my dad. But he thought it was okay in the first place, anyway."
Josh: "... This is horrible. I honestly can't believe this. That is absolute bullshit!"
Kyle: "I could say the same thing about your Church."
Josh: "We are not having this conversation here!"
Kyle: "FINE. How about we just drop it?"
Josh: "... Fine."
Kyle: "Would you at least quit bringing me to your mass?!"
Josh: "... Fine."
Kyle: "Oh, thank God."
Josh: "You can do that all the time in mass, you know."
Kyle: "Haha, you're funny."
Seth: "... You all seriously disappoint me, and I'm not taking that back."

Sorry, Seth! D: But we all had a good laugh about if afterwards...

I only saw it coming from miles away.

Dad: "DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BOMBINGS IN MOSCOW?!"
Jordan: "Well, yeah, but--"
Dad: "NO FUCKING WAY AM I GETTING ON A FUCKING PLANE AND GOING TO THAT FUCKING COUNTRY FULL OF FUCKING COMMUNISTS. FUCK THAT. THE COLD WAR IS FUCKING OVER, BUT THEY'RE STILL NOT GIVING BOMBINGS A FUCKING REST. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. OH, AND IF YOU'RE PLANNING ON BOMBING SOMETHING, DON'T BOMB YOUR OWN FUCKING COUNTRY. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. FUCK. I AM NOT GOING TO FUCKING MOSCOW."
Jordan: "... They were bombing a subway. I wasn't going to show you guys the subways--"
Dad: "SUBWAYS ARE FUCKING UNCLEAN, THAT'S WHY."
Jordan: "Seriously, are you finished or not?"
Dad: "*grumble grumble*"

I always knew there was a reason I fucking loved your dad! We heard about the bombing, too. Here's a reason why you all dislike my father:

Dad: "*is reading newspaper* Hmm, people tried to bomb a Moscow subway."
Greg: "Did anyone get hurt?!"
Dad: "That does not matter."
Greg: "... You are kidding me."
Dad: "No. Ha, those bombings show Russia who is the boss!"
Mom: "Dear, that was horrible..."
Dad: "It is the truth. What do those friends of yours say, Aaron? It is 'beast'?"
Aaron: "Yeah, dad!"
Dad: "Ja, it is very beast indeed, then."
Mom: "*sigh* Dear, just because they helped defeat the fatherland does not mean all Russians are horrible."
Dad: "Damn Soviets."
Mom: "The Soviet Union has dissolved now. I think you need to let go of your grudge."
Dad: "It is not a grudge, woman!"

Wow, Vati. Honestly?

Here, I have written a letter for your dad.

Dear Germany,
Did you seriously think you could win. Really. Why. I mean, seriously. Why. You lost the first world war. We defeated you. Did you seriously think the United States of fucking America wasn't going to crush you a second time. Because we did. No matter how many times you try, you will never defeat the USA. Okay, so, you invented U-Boats. That's cool. We still destroyed you. Seriously. Don't try again. (That means you, Aikawa's father.)
Love,
An American Citizen (Named Rachel.)

They are all sentences, not questions.

Dude, I love you xD This is one of those 'this why you're my friend' moments xD I am SO telling my dad all of that.

So we are all now the Hetalia gang? xD Havoc, dude, why are you Prussia?

Well, Prussia's awesome xD And there's no Ireland anywhere. They only mention him, like, once. Besides, why are you America?

Because I'm patriotic. Fuck yeah.

Germany is better than Prussia and America put together.

Holiday parties at Kyle's always prove to be an adventure.

Joe: "Word has it your name is Reagan."
Frankie's Boyfriend: "... Yeah, it is."
Joe: "Cool. So can I call you Eragon?"
Frankie's Boyfriend: "... I beg your pardon?"
Joe: "I said, CAN I CALL YOU ERAGON?!"
Frankie's Boyfriend: "DUDE, I HEARD YOU. WHAT THE FUCK?"
Joe: "OH, OKAY. BUT SERIOUSLY--"
Frankie's Boyfriend: "Quit yelling."
Joe: "I'm Italian!"
Frankie's Boyfriend: "Obviously. Okay, no, how does 'Reagan' sound like 'Eragon'?"
Joe: "They're spelled, like, exactly the same."
Frankie's Boyfriend: "What have you been drinking?"
Joe: "Nothing. So, I'm gonna call you Eragon from now on, 'kay?"
Frankie's Boyfriend: "No--"
Joe: "Okay. Eragon is it."

Ed: "Why are you so tall?"
Josh: "Why are you so short?"
Ed: "I'm average height."
Josh: "So am I."
Ed: "No you're not! You're as tall as an NBA player!"
Josh: "Yeah, yuck it up. You just wish you were as tall as me..."
Ed: "No, I don't."
Josh: "Haha, aren't you cool."
Ed: "Oui. Je le sais."
Josh: "KYLE, WHY DOES EVERYONE IN YOUR FUCKING FAMILY SPEAK FRENCH?!"
Ed: "YOU OWE MONEY TO THE SWEAR JAR!"

Ed: "Why are you so tall?"
Me: "I'm German."
Ed: "Oh, okay. Do German girls like French boys?"
Me: "... Not necessarily..."
Ed: "Darn. German girls are cute! Obviously."
Me: "You're so sweet."
Josh: "DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. HE'S EVIL."

Ed: "Do Italian boys like French boys?"
Chris: "Depends."
Ed: "Depends?"
Chris: "Are you an honest, loyal, and romantic Frenchman with candlelight dinners and bouquets of roses? Or are you a slimy Frenchman who smells like France, doesn't shave, and only cares about how many girls he can sleep with in one night?"
Ed: "The first one."
Chris: "Then the Italian boys will be lining up at your door, kid."
Joe: "Don't encourage homosexuality!"
Ed: "Will you line up at my door?"
Chris: "Aww, you're such a nice little boy! Of course!"
Joe: "CHRIS!"
Chris: "What?"
Joe: "This Italian boy won't be lining up at your door."
Ed: "Good, I wouldn't want you there anyway. *blows kiss at Chris* Can't wait to see you later. Adieu."
Chris: "Ciao."
Joe: "I LOST YOU TO FRENCHMAN?!"
Josh: "Told you all he's evil."

Kyle: "You told him Italians like French people? What are you, stupid?"
Chris: "Well, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and certain French people are nice... I mean, they like good food, I like good food. They like roses, I like roses. They like wine, I like wine. They like romance, I like romance. They like passionate love making, I love passionate love making."
Kyle: "I cannot believe what I am hearing."
Chris: "*shrug*"

Rachel's Dad: "Jordan is taking me to Moscow over the summer."
Josh's Mom: "Didn't a subway there just get bombed?"
Rachel's Dad: "SEE?!"
Jordan: "I HEAR YOU, I HEAR YOU. SHUT UP ABOUT THE BOMBING!"
Rachel's Dad: "THIS IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL."
Josh's Mom: "... Oh, I get it! That was a Joe Biden joke!"

Brent: "So are all holiday parties like this?"
Josh: "Yeah. Are they too intense for you? You wanna leave and not date my mom?"
Brent: "Josh..."
Josh: "Old man."
Brent: "I like your mother a lot. You're just a good bonus!"
Josh: "I bet you say that to all the kids of the single moms you're a psychiatrist for."
Brent: "Josh..."
Kyle: "JOSHUA ISAIAH!"
Josh: "I WAS NEVER HERE."
Brent: "Uh-huh."

Dad: "BACK IN MY DAY, WE HAD PARTIES LIKE THESE, ONLY WITH LOTS OF BEER. THEY WERE MUCH MORE FUN."
Rachel's Dad: "Yeah, in October, right?"
Dad: "NO. BUT OKTOBERFEST IS A GRAND, GRAND EVENT, MY DEAR GRAYSON. SIXTEEN DAYS OF HARD, GERMAN LIQUOR AND MY KIND OF HUMOR!"
Rachel's Dad: "Whoa, whoa, wait. Sixteen days of drinking and partying?"
Dad: "JA. HOW WONDERFUL!"
Mom: "Dear, settle down."
Dad: "DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO, WOMAN! HE WISHES TO KNOW OF THE GRANDEUR OF THE GERMANS! YOU KNOW, ONE YEAR, BEFORE WE WERE TIED DOWN WITH CHILDREN, WE WENT TO MUNICH TO CELEBRATE IT! IT WAS AN AWESOME FESTIVAL. SO GREAT. SO GERMAN. BUT I SUPPOSE THE TWO ADJECTIVES ARE SYNONYMS, RIGHT? JA! OF COURSE!"
Rachel's Dad: "... I am so going to Munich next Oktoberfest."
Rachel: "Dad, what the hell? No. They'll shoot us!"
Rachel's Dad: "Then you don't have to come with!"
Dad: "YES! ANOTHER MAN WHO SHARES MY LOVE! WE SHALL EMBARK ON A JOURNEY TO MUNICH THE NEXT FESTIVAL TO CELEBRATE!"
Rachel's Dad: "Ja!"
Dad: "AH, NOW YOU GET THE HANG OF IT, GRAYSON! YOU ARE SMART!"

Jordan: "... I used to live in Moscow."
Dad: "Damn Soviets."
Mom: "Dear, he wasn't a Soviet--"
Dad: "I SAID, DAMN SOVIETS. WHEN DID I INCLUDE HIM?!"
Mom: "Settle down."
Dad: "Do not give me orders, woman!"
Jordan: "... I'll talk to you later..."

Tyler: "You know, I'm from Puerto Rico."
Dad: "*snort* HA, LOUSY PLACE! WHAT KIND OF LAND LETS THEMSELVES BE TAKEN OVER BY THE UNITED STATES?! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A TERRITORY."
Tyler: "... Um... Hasta luego."

Seth: "Hello, I'm Seth--"
Dad: "WHY, HELLO, YOUNG MAN!"
Seth: "... *screams and runs away*"
Dad: "... What did I do?"
Mom: "... *sigh*"

Rachel, I'm sure you'd like to add some memorable moments.

Oh, but of course.

Aikawa's Dad: "When we get home, you are making Schweinsbraten."
Aikawa's Mom: "I do not feel like cooking."
Aikawa's Dad: "YOU WILL DO AS I SAY, WOMAN."
Aikawa's Mom: "Yes, dear..."

(Your dad calls your mom 'woman' a lot.)

Ed: "Why are you so short?"
Me: "... Genetics?"
Ed: "Why is he so tall?"
Me: "... Once again, genetics?"
Ed: "He's, like, a foot taller than you. Why do you date him? And don't say 'genetics'."
Me: "Attraction? I like tall guys."
Ed: "Obviously."
Jeremy: "And I like short girls!"
Ed: "Once again, obviously."
Me: "Are you mocking me?"
Ed: "Are you mocking me?"
Jeremy: "See, you want kids. This is what you're going to get."
Me: "*sigh*"
Ed: "I'm the best kid ever."

Ed: "So are you guys really Nazis?"
Greg: "No, we are not."
Ed: "How come you guys don't use contractions?"
Greg: "Silly little boy, only our mother is a woman, and she is not pregnant!"
Aikawa: "Okay, first of all, I'm also a girl. And second, he meant contractions as in 'isn't' and 'aren't'."
Greg: "First, Vati would kill you if ever had sex with John before marriage and got pregnant, so I did not include you. Second, my bad."
Ed: "... What are you talking about?"
Greg: "... You will learn as you grow older."

Jeremy: "Dude, how can you put up with all the Germans?"
John: "I have no fucking clue. How can you put up with her dad?"
Jeremy: "... Same."

Ed: "So you're, like, racist?"
Jeremy: "... No. Only my mom."
Ed: "So she's, like, a KKK member?"
Jeremy: "No!"
Kyle: "We don't know for sure."
Jeremy: "NO, I KNOW FOR SURE SHE'S NOT A KKK MEMBER."
Kyle: "Have you ever looked in her closet?"
Jeremy: "... No. Dude, she's my mom."
Kyle: "See? Then you don't know. She could be hiding her uniform in there."
Ed: "Would she want to kill Tyler?"
Jeremy: "... Tyler's not black."
Ed: "But he's not white."
Jeremy: "... Good point."

Kyle's Aunt: "I don't understand what happened to that boy."
Me: "... Who?"
Kyle's Aunt: "You know what--no. Both boys. What is wrong with the men in our family?"
Me: "... What?"
Kyle's Aunt: "Edgar and Kyle are peas in a pod, I tell you! Edgar looks almost exactly like Kyle did when he was younger! Only, you know, my son actually looks like a boy."
Me: "Interesting?"
Kyle's Aunt: "I wonder what you looked like a kid."
Me: "I think I was cute."
Kyle's Aunt: "Doubt it. Ginger kids are rarely cute."
Me: "... Thanks."

(The story below was just told to me as clarification.)

Ed: "What do you do if you see someone's hand down someone else's pants?"
Chris: "... You scream 'RAPE!' and then walk away."
Ed: "Okay."

Ed: "RAPE!"
Josh: "WHAT?!"
Ed: "YOUR HAND IS DOWN HIS PANTS."
Kyle: "WHO TOLD YOU TO SAY THAT?"
Ed: "No one."
Kyle: "CHRIS!"
Chris: "It was Joe."
Ed: "Joe. *walks away*"
Kyle: "JOE!"

Seth: "Aww, he's like a mini-Kyle! You're so cute! *pinches Ed's cheeks*"
Ed: "Thanks!"
Tyler: "Yeah, he is kind of cute."
Ed: "Don't call me cute."
Tyler: "I... what? You just let him call you cute!"
Ed: "Yeah, I did. I like him. I don't like you."
Tyler: "Are you kidding me?"
Ed: "Kyle told me you can pick locks. I don't want you to pick the one to my bedroom. STRANGER DANGER!"

Ed: "Do Russians really say 'mother Russia'?"
Me: "Watch. *walks up to Jordan* Hey, where did you live when you were a kid, again?"
Jordan: "Mother Russia, of course!"
Me: "Case closed."
Aikawa's Dad: "DAMN SOVIETS."
Aikawa's Mom: "Dear..."

That's all I can remember so far. No, wait, and this:

Kyle: "Did your mom sneak any alcohol into this party?"
Josh: "Not that I know of."
Kyle: "So it's safe to drink any drink?"
Josh: "Yeah."

Nope.

Kyle: "... This isn't water."
Jordan: "Of course not! That's the vodka I brought!"
Kyle: "*coughs*"