Awkward Conversations/Moments

Chris's dad is SO hard to understand. And his horrible English makes me twitch. Freakin' Polish people. Guy has to be from Warsaw, of all places.

Chris's Dad: "Your father *words I could not figure out*, yes?"
Me: "... Could you repeat that?"
Chris's Dad: "*words I could not figure out*, yes?"
Me: "... I'm sorry, but... um... I can't understand you."
Chris's Dad: "*starts talking louder*"
Chris: "DAD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
Chris's Dad: "Talking. Translate for me?"
Chris: "Okay. What did you say? Just say it in Polish."
Chris's Dad: "*Polish words*"
Chris: "He asked if your dad is from Germany. 'Your father is from Germany, yes?'"
Me: "Yeah, he is."
Chris's Dad: "He is Nazi, yes?"
Me: "... No."
Chris's Dad: "His father is Nazi, then?"
Me: "... Well, yeah, but..."
Chris's Dad: "Yes, yes. Excuses. We Christians, but Germans storm through house anyway. They almost kill my uncle."
Me: "My apologies?"
Chris's Dad: "Not your fault. I am only... how do you say... curious? Yes, that is the word. Curious."
Chris's Mom: "What are you doing?"
Chris's Dad: "Talking to... um... Elaine, is it?"
Me: "Yes, sir."
Chris's Dad: "Ah, polite German girl. Parents raise you correctly. So sweet. Chris, why do you not marry girl like this? She is polite. And German. Germans are clean and strict! Good people."
Me: "... Thanks."
Chris: "Dad, I don't like girls."
Chris's Dad: "I do like Joseph, but he is so Italian. No Polish in his blood! Nor German! Full Italian."
Chris's Mom: "And what is wrong with being Italian?"
Chris's Dad: "Nothing! I marry you, did I not? Italians are a lovely breed."
Chris's Mom: "Aww, I knew there was a reason I picked you over that boy who went to my school!"
Chris's Dad: "You resist not my Polish charms."
Chris's Mom: "Yeah, that's it..."
Chris: "Sorry, he doesn't really understand the rules of English."
Me: "It's cool. I live with Germans, remember?"
Chris: "Ah, right."
Tyler: "My mom doesn't even speak English."
Chris: "Yeah..."
Chris's Dad: "She not speak English?! You come to America, you learn English! It is rule!"
Tyler: "O... kay?"
Chris's Dad: "My English not so good, but I speak it! I know English! And I know Polish. Ah, I am so... how do you say... cosmopolitan? Yes, cosmopolitan."
Me: "So that self-confidence is an Italian and Polish thing?"
Chris: "I guess."

You guys remember that one Drake and Josh episode with Josh's e-mail girlfriend from the made up country? The one who loved goats? Chris's dad kind of talks like the girl's dad.

Oh, these two are great...

Chris: "So, over break, Kyle and I were shopping at the mall, and there was this one guy in this one store--"
Kyle: "Hot Topic."
Chris: "Whatever. Thats store Josh likes."
Kyle: "Yeah, Hot Topic."
Josh: "I do not like Hot Topic."
Chris: "Um, yeah, all emo kids like Hot Topic. Ergo, you like Hot Topic."
Josh: "... They have cool shirts, okay?"
Me: "Why did you go into Hot Topic?"
Kyle: "Change of scenery?"
Chris: "Because I saw this guy that looked like a blonde version of Ashton Kutcher."
Kyle: "He was really hot."
Chris: "Definitely. So, I introduce myself, like, 'Hi, my name is Chris, which is short for Christopher, as in Christopher Columbus, as in the Italian guy who discovered America. I'm half Italian and half Polish. I know Italian, Polish, and sign language'. And then the guy goes, '... That's cool? I'm French.' Major bummer."
Kyle: "It was awesome."
Chris: "It was not."
Kyle: "No, it was pretty awesome. And then we saw Josh in FYE!"
Me: "... You didn't plan on meeting up?"
Kyle: "No, I just knew he was going to the mall the same day I was, but we were going to be hanging out with friends, not each other. But Chris and I found him hanging out in FYE! He was talking it up with that one kid. David, right?"
Josh: "Yes, the David you totally freaked out by running over and grabbing me from behind. That David."
Kyle: "I had to."
Josh: "In a public store, while I was with my friend."
Kyle: "You kissed me."
Josh: "... Either way."
Chris: "Ew, your guys' sappiness makes me want to throw up."
Kyle: "Oh, fuck you."
Chris: "Only in your dreams, Frenchie."
Josh: "... Um, no, how about you don't imply he has wet dreams about you?"
Chris: "I bet you do, too."
Josh: "Um, no."
Chris: "Uh, like, fuck yeah."
Kyle: "Fuck yeah!"
Josh: "WHY ARE YOU AGREEING."
Kyle: "He's Italian."
Chris: "That I am."
Josh: "... What does that have to do with anything?"
Kyle: "Italians are sexy."
Chris: "It's a fact."
Me: "... I don't think so."
Chris: "I'm sexier than you. Why? Because I'm Italian, and you're... a ginger."
Me: "I'm a girl."
Chris: "Oh, and here I thought all genders were equal in America."
Me: "Oh, shut up."
Chris: "You love me!"

No, not all the time...

I... Just... Seriously...

Dad: "Gregory, what are you doing?"
Greg: "... Helping mom make dinner..."
Dad: "Making dinner is the job of a loyal woman and or wife. Do not embarrass yourself. If you want your mother to have some assistance in the kitchen, go ask your lovely sister Elaine."
Me: "... I'm right here."
Dad: "Why are you not helping your mother?"
Mom: "Dear, Gregory offered to help."
Dad: "Quiet, woman. Why do you not want to help?"
Me: "... Cooking is boring. And I suck at it."
Dad: "For a woman? Nonsense!"
Me: "No, I actually don't like it..."
Dad: "... You do not like cooking?"
Me: "No, Vati."
Dad: "But... you... ah, well, I suppose it cannot be helped, sweetheart."
Greg: "Whoa, whoa, WAIT. Why does she not have to help?"
Dad: "GREGORY, NEVER QUESTION YOUR FATHER. Darling little Elaine does not have to anything she does not want to do."
Me: "I'm your little angel :3"
Dad: "Yes, that is right. *ruffles my hair* Gregory, stop acting like a housewife."
Greg: "How come I am not allowed to do things I want to do?"
Dad: "Because, someday, you will be the man of the house. I raised you correctly! You must make your father proud!"
Greg: "... But..."
Dad: "Stop recycling through girlfriends as if they are used pieces of paper. It is not right! You stick to one woman, and you love her for the end of time."
Mom: "Aww, dear... Sometimes you still remind of that young man I fell in love with."
Dad: "You are still very beautiful."
Mom: "Aww! I love--"
Dad: "Now get back to cooking. I am hungry."
Mom: "... Yes, dear."
Dad: "Now, Gregory, let me show you some of my crosswords..."
Greg: "Ah, no, I--"
Dad: "LET US EMBARK ON A... WHAT DO PEOPLE HERE CALL IT... MISSION TO BOND TOGETHER AS FATHER AND SON!"
Greg: "GO FIND AARON, THEN."
Dad: "... No. I do not know what is wrong with that boy. Has no respect for German culture, does not enjoy participating in our holidays, and even has the nerve to speak in English at home sometimes. Awful."
Greg: "We live in America."
Dad: "Yes, yes, land of the free, home of the brave, etcetera. But the Fatherland! It is wonderful! I cannot wait until you are all grown up and I can move back home. WHERE I BELONG! AND ELAINE, SHE MAKES ME SO PROUD! GOING TO GERMANY TO COMPLETE HER STUDIES... I AM SO PROUD..."
Me: "... Yeah..."
Dad: "You will go to Germany to study, yes, Gregory?"
Greg: "... Um, sure."
Dad: "SAY IT WITH CONVICTION."
Greg: "YES, SIR."
Dad: "THAT IS MORE LIKE IT. NOW, WE GO... HOW DO YOU SAY... BOND, YES?"
Mom: "Have fun, dear."
Dad: "WE WILL. Elaine, are you sure you do not want to help your mother?"
Mom: "... No, she does not have to..."
Dad: "Did I ask you, woman?"
Mom: "No, dear."
Dad: "That is right."
Me: "I'm fine."
Dad: "If you insist, sweetheart. COME, GREGORY, LET US EMBARK ON OUR JOURNEY!"

((That was all roughly translated German, by the way.))

...I wish I could be German.

... No, you don't. It's great, but you need to be fucking GERMAN to stand it. Like, you have to be so fucking GERMAN that sometimes you accidentally slip in German whilst talking with friends. Take this, for instance:

Seth: "*is talking*"
Me: "*listening*"
Seth: "*blah blah blah*, right?"
Me: "... Ja."
Seth: "I... I didn't quite catch that."
Me: "Ja."
Seth: "... Um... Well, I'll see you later."

Happens all the time. Like this one time:

Rachel's Dad: "ELAINE, I KNOW YOU'RE A GERMAN, BUT DAMMIT, THIS IS FUCKING AMERICA. SPEAK ENGLISH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE."
Me: "Sorry."
Rachel's Dad: "Mhmm. This country's colors are red, white, and blue! Not black, yellow, and red!"
Me: "... That could also be Belgium, you know..."
Rachel's Dad: "WHATEVER."
Kyle: "Red, white, and blue are on the flag of France."
Chris: "And Holland."
Kyle: "Oh, aren't you cool?"
Chris: "Yep."

Wow, I went totally off topic there.

Either way, NO. Being German is a fucking blast, but only if you can handle it. Non-Germans cannot handle it.

Obviously.

Liking the new icon!! That and the expression in my icon's are, like, your default expressions.

Haha, so true. Once again, being the only daughter has its good times...

Mom: "I am going outside to plant the flowers, dear."
Dad: "What kind of flowers?"
Mom: "Tulips."
Dad: "What color?"
Mom: "Blue. Your favorite, dear."
Dad: "Ah, how sweet. Thank you. Elaine, go help your mother garden."
Me: "... But I don't like gardening."
Dad: "Help her garden, Elaine!"
Me: "But, Vatiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
Mom: "Elaine--"
Dad: "DO NOT YELL AT MY DARLING LITTLE ANGEL, WOMAN! SHE DOES NOT WANT TO GARDEN, SO SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO. IT IS HEARTBREAKING TO SEE HER SO SAD."
Mom: "Yes, dear."
Dad: "Gregory, go assist your mother by mowing the lawn."
Greg: "... Err, Aaron, go mow the lawn."
Aaron: "But Dad just told you to!"
Dad: "AARON. What did I say about listening to your elders?! Listen to your older brother! If he asks you to mow the lawn, you mow the lawn!"
Aaron: "But--"
Dad: "As punishment for speaking back, you will now mow it twice."
Aaron: "Twice? Why?"
Dad: "Three times."
Aaron: "But--"
Dad: "Do not make me say 'four', young man. Out you go."
Aaron: "How come Elaine doesn't have to do anything? I thought uptight people who followed by ancient laws preferred sons to daughters!"
Dad: "She is my darling little daughter, Aaron. You do not understand, and you probably never will. Go outside and mow the lawn."
Aaron: "Do you love Elaine more than all of us?"
Dad: "I love you all the same."
Me: "Aww, but Vatiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
Dad: "Elaine is my favorite daughter!"
Me: "I'm your only daughter."
Dad: "Gregory sometimes acts as if he is a woman."
Greg: "Hey!"
Dad: "DO NOT SHOUT AT YOUR FATHER. GO UPSTAIRS AND STUDY OR DO YOUR HOMEWORK, YOUNG MAN! AND AARON, GO HELP YOUR MOTHER."
Mom: "Let us just go, Aaron..."
Aaron: "Yes, Mom..."
Dad: "Elaine! Since you are not busy at the moment, what do you say we spend some time together? Tell me, how is life going?"
Me: "... Um, it's fine. You want me to help you with your crossword puzzle?"
Dad: "Ah, my sweet Elaine is all grown up! A delightful young woman, offering help when it was not asked of her! Yes, yes, come help your dear old father! *ruffles my hair*"
Elaine: "Aww, Vati!"
Dad: "You are all grown up now... I remember when you were born..."
Me: "Really?"
Dad: "Happiest day of my life!"
Aaron: "WHAT ABOUT ME?!"
Dad: "MOW THE LAWN, AARON!"
Me: "... That should answer your question, stupid. Vati obviously loves me more."
Aaron: "NO, HE DOESN'T."
Me: "Uh, yeah, he does. Suck it, r-tard."
Aaron: "DAD, ELAINE CALLED ME AN R-TARD."
Dad: "I'm sure she meant it as a term of endearment."
Aaron: "OH, COME ON! WHY DO YOU NEVER GET IN TROUBLE?!"
Me: "You might know if you weren't such an r-tard."
Aaron: "DAAAAAAAAAAD!"
Dad: "MOW. THE. LAWN."
Gregory: "... Please tell me I was adopted..."

I love my family.

Oh god. You're lucky. My dad has four daughters and half the time he just kinda hates us all. But he thinks that Colonel is hilarious, sweet, and polite. WTF.

Haha, Colonel... I love my brothers.

Dad: "Elaine, will you help me with a crossword puzzle?"
Me: "Yes, Vati. *bats eyelashes prettily*"
Dad: "How sweet! Thank you, my lovely daughter! It says 'the hero of the Lord of the Rings series'. I have never even heard about the ring lord."
Me: "... I never saw those movies."
Greg: "It's Frodo, Vati. Write Frodo."
Dad: "... It fits. Thank you, Elaine."
Me: "You're welcome, Vati :3"
Greg: "... Are you kidding me? I answered that for you, Vater!"
Dad: "I suppose so. Thank you also, Gregory. But a man should not expect praise at every corner and a thank you for all his deeds. That was an important lesson you must learn, and pass on to your sons."
Greg: "Whatever."
Dad: "Do not talk back! Aaron, were you also listening?"
Aaron: "Uh... yeah."
Dad: "Good! Wonderful! Then I shall not repeat myself. By the way, what is the 'Lord of the Rings'?"
Greg: "Well, I remember it being a movie--"
Dad: "A movie? We shall watch it!"
Greg: "... Vati, the last movie is three hours long. That is going to take forever to add subtitles to."
Aaron: "I'll help!"
Greg: "NO, YOU WILL NOT. YOU ADDED 'I SUCK DICK' TO ONE MOVIE, AND THEN VATER BLAMED ME FOR IT!"
Aaron: "It was funny!"
Dad: "Such vulgar language. Where did I go wrong...?"
Me: "You still have me, Vati :3"
Dad: "Of course! You are most important, Elaine, my perfect angel."

In case you're wondering, Dad hates English movies and doesn't let us watch them unless they're subtitled, so Greg always adds the German subtitles to them so that we can watch them. And then Aaron's friends come over, want to watch a movie in the basement, and this happens:

Some new kid, Ned: "... Dude, why are there German subtitles on 'Dodgeball'?
Aaron: "*shouts upstairs* Greg, did you add subtitles to this movie?!"
Greg: "Are there subtitles on the screen?!"
Aaron: "Yeah!"
Greg: "Then what do you think?!"
Me: "Nice one."
Greg: "*shrug* I try."
Ned: "Seriously, though."
Aaron: "Didn't you notice how everyone in my house except me and my sister has a heavy German accent?"
Ned: "... Yeah..."
Aaron: "That's because my parents are from Germany, and my dad only lets us watch movies with German subtitles."
Ned: "Why?"
Aaron: "Because, we're not allowed to watch movies without the entire family, or else we're all 'separated'. And he only likes movies in German. So, if we want to watch a movie, we have to wait for it to come out on DVD, and then Greg adds the subs. One time, I helped him and added 'I suck dick' to one."
Ned: "Awesome."
Aaron: "Best Home Alone movie ever."
Ned: "I'll bet! So, do you guys speak German at home?"
Aaron's best friend 4evz, Jake: "They even speak German when I'm here. I guess they assume I can understand or something."
Dad: "*walks down into the basement, shouting in German* AARON, YOUR POPCORN IS DONE. COME AND GET IT."
Aaron: "DAD, ENGLISH, PLEASE. I'M WITH FRIENDS."
Dad: "I AM A GERMAN. I WILL SPEAK ENGLISH ONLY WHEN I NEED TO."
Aaron: "NOW IS ONE OF THOSE TIMES. NO ONE BUT ME CAN UNDERSTAND YOU."
Dad: "FINE. *switches to English* I SAID YOUR POPCORN IS DONE, YOU LITTLE KIDS. GO UPSTAIRS AND GET IT."
Ned: "... Couldn't you have just brought it down to us...?"
Dad: "YOU DO NOT SPEAK BACK TO AN ADULT, YOUNG MAN."
Aaron: "Dad, seriously, don't--"
Dad: "I AM AN ADULT YOU NEED TO RESPECT. I CAME HERE FROM HAMBURG TO START A NEW LIFE AND LET MY FAMILY HAVE BETTER OPPORTUNITIES THAN I HAD GROWING UP. I AM STUCK HERE UNTIL AARON GETS OLDER."
Ned: "... That's... cool."
Dad: "COOL, INDEED. HAMBURG WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL PLACE. I REMEMBER--"
Aaron: "Dad, seriously, go away."
Dad: "WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?"
Aaron: "Dodgeball. Could you please leave now?"
Dad: "WHAT A CRUDE MOVIE! WHY NOT WATCH SOMETHING BETTER? SOMETHING LIKE... *pulls movie out of shelf* THIS."
Ned: "... Schindler's List?"
Aaron: "Dad!"
Dad: "'VATER' TO YOU, YOUNG MAN. WATCH THE LIST OF SCHINDLER. IT IS EDUCATIONAL."
Ned: "... It's about World War II."
Dad: "I SHALL REITERATE: EDUCATIONAL."
Jake: "May we please watch the other movie?"
Dad: "... Since you asked so nicely, Jake."
Aaron: "Oh, come on!"
Dad: "QUIET. I AM GOING BACK UPSTAIRS TO FINISH MY CROSSWORD PUZZLE. I WANT ABSOLUTE SILENCE. MY TIME IS NOT TO BE DISTURBED."
Aaron: "Yes, Dad."
Dad: "*coughs*"
Aaron: "... *sigh* Ja, Vati."
Dad: "Have fun."
Ned: "... What the heck?"

((Dad likes Jake better than Aaron half of the time... But he still loves me most!))

Or how about this one time, when you first slept over my house:

Aikawa: "*over the phone* I'll bring over a movie, okay?"
Me: "Okay."

Later:

Dad: "... What the hell is this."
Aikawa: "A movie."
Dad: "... Why is the bottom in... foreign?"
Aikawa: "It's in German, Mister Rachel's Dad!"
Me: "... Your movies have German subs?"
Dad: "This is bull. *turns off the TV*"

The end.

Or that one time Kyle accidentally brought his French version of Beauty and the Beast:

Dad: "Great, so now we've switched to French? What happened to Hitler bringing over her Nazi films?"
Aikawa: "... I'm right here."
Dad: "Whatever. Why the hell is the movie in French?"
Kyle: "I brought over the wrong version. Sorry."
Josh: "It's okay."
Kyle: "... *awkward* Thanks."
Josh: "... Err, yeah."
Dad: "This is bull. *turns off the TV*"

Or this one time:

Chris: "Look, I found this documentary on Italy, in Italian! *pops it in*"
Me: "This is actually kind of cool, Chris."
Dad: "This is bull. *turns off the TV*"

Or this time:

Jordan: "Look at what I found! *puts movie in the TV*"
Dad: "... What are they saying?"
Jordan: "It's in Russian. Shh!"
Dad: "This is bull. *turns off the TV*"

Even at Aikawa's house:

Aikawa's Dad: "*watching a DVD* Oh, your father is here to pick you up, Rachel."
Me: "Thanks."
Dad: "Hey. What are you watching?"
Aikawa's Dad: "Oh, it is simply a Holocaust survivor's recollection."
Dad: "This is bull. *turns off the TV*"
Aikawa's Dad: "... I do not remember any cows being in this film."

... Oh, Kyle...

Kyle: "I have something to tell you guys. Don't laugh, okay?"
Jeremy: "I KNEW YOU WERE A WOMAN."
Kyle: "... No."
Jeremy: "Damn it."
Frankie: "Whatever you want to tell us, we'll listen, Kyle. We're your friends."
Kyle: "Thanks, Frankie."
Me: "... So?"
Kyle: "I'm bisexual."
Silence.
Tyler: "April Fool's Day was twenty days ago, you know."
Kyle: "Yeah."
Seth: "I think that's nice."
Kyle: "Really?"
Seth: "Yeah!"
Josh: "... I'm sorry, what?"
Chris: "He said he's bisexual."
Josh: "This isn't funny."
Chris: "Wow, way to totally suck dick and not be a good boyfriend."
Josh: "What?"
Chris: "You need to support him in all his choices!"
Josh: "I--"
Chris: "ALL CHOICES! NOW SAY YOU'RE SORRY!"
Josh: "FINE, FINE, I'M SORRY."
Chris: "Dammit, Kyle. I hate you."
Kyle: "Haha, you owe me ten dollars :3"
Josh: "What the fuck just happened?"
Kyle: "I bet him that I could get you to believe that I was bisexual in under a minute."
Josh: "I didn't believe you! Our relationship doesn't work that way! You always tell me everything first! I only felt guilty because Chris was yelling at me!"
Chris: "Rightfully so."
Tyler: "... So you're not bi?"
Kyle: "No way. Girls are icky."
Frankie: "... Thanks, Kyle."
Kyle: "Oh, but you're pretty!"
Me: "And me?"
Kyle: "You're pretty, too."
Aikawa: "And me?"
Kyle: "... Well, I like redheads, so..."
Aikawa: "Hey, fuck you, man."
Me: "It's auburn."
Kyle: "It's getting lighter in the sun, ginger."
Me: "I agree with Aikawa."
Aikawa: "Damn straight."
Tyler: "NO, YOU ARE ALL WRONG. PUERTO RICANS ARE THE BEST! SON LOS MEJORES!"
Kyle: "Whoa, when did I say anything about whores?"

Sexuality, Relationship, and Spanish fail all in one go. I think that's a new record.

Chris: "Wow, you're stupid."
Kyle: "What?"
Chris: "No, never mind--you're just French."

Dear Rachel,
I wish our friends weren't seriously stupid.
Love,
The Sane German Friend

Chris: "God, look at Quinn's shirt. What the hell?"
Kyle: "I know, right?"
Chris: "I mean, just look at it."
Kyle: "I KNOW!"
Chris: "It's just so..."
Kyle: "You are so right!"
Chris: "I mean..."
Kyle: "It's just..."
Chris: "You are so right."
Josh: "YOU GUYS AREN'T EVEN HAVING A REAL CONVERSATION! SHUT. UP."
Kyle: "... It's a gay best friend telepathy thing. You wouldn't understand."
Josh: "I DON'T CARE! JUST BE QUIET!"
Chris: "Wow, Josh. You're really..."
Kyle: "I know, right?"
Chris: "EXACTLY!"
Josh: "Please kill me."

Kyle: "... Aww, Josh, are you crying?"
Josh: "Dude, no. What the fuck?"
Kyle: "IT'S OKAY! I'LL MAKE IT BETTER! *hugs Josh*"
Dad: "NO FUCKING ON MY COUCH."
Kyle: "We're hugging, Mister Rachel's Dad!"
Josh: "I'M TRYING TO WATCH GLEE, DAMMIT."
Me: "EVERYONE, SHUT THE FUCK UP."
Frankie: "LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN GERMAN, OR ELSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO AUSCHWITZ!"
Frankie's Boyfriend: "... I'm from a Jewish background."
Frankie: "Yeah, dude, I know. I date you."
Frankie's Boyfriend: "Just... thought I'd remind you."
Kyle: "Stupid Nazis! Killing homosexuals! They would have killed me!"
Me: "No, you probably would have just gone undercover as a chick or something."
Kyle: "True."
Chris: "I WOULD MOVE TO ITALY!"
Joe: "... The fascist country?"
Chris: "Well, yeah."
Joe: "Let me reiterate: fascist. Allied with Germany. AKA Nazis."
Chris: "Wow, you're so mean to me sometimes."
Joe: "You know I didn't mean it, babe."
Chris: "Mhmm."
Joe: "I SWEAR!"
Chris: "You can apologize to me later."
Josh: "IS ANYONE ELSE TRYING TO WATCH THE SHOW?!"

Tyler: "Seth."
Seth: "Shh."
Tyler: "Seth!"
Seth: "Shh!"
Tyler: "Seth!"
Seth: "Shh!"
Tyler: "SETH!"
Seth: "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!"
Tyler: "Give me some of your popcorn. I finished my bowl."
Seth: "Why does that mean I have to share with you...?"
Tyler: "Because you love me?"
Seth: "Go make your own at the commercial break."
Tyler: "But I want popcorn now. And Chris won't share his."
Chris: "Damn straight. My popcorn."
Joe: "Can I have some?"
Chris: "Hell no."
Joe: "You're my boyfriend."
Chris: "All the more reason for you to go get your own damn popcorn, and get me some more while you're at it. I'm not sharing."
Seth: "Yeah, what Chris said!"
Josh: "THIS ISN'T A FUCKING MOVIE, GUYS. JUST SHUT UP!"

Kyle: "I kind of want to punch Burt."
Chris: "Yeah, same."
Kyle: "I mean, he's just so..."
Chris: "I totally know what you mean. Stupid? Ignorant?"
Kyle: "Totally. At least I still have my mom, even though I hate her. We talk about stuff I like. Or her work. Which falls in the first category, but still."
Chris: "My dad just doesn't listen to my mom and me when we talk about clothes and stuff. And then he starts singing loudly in Polish. And then my mom yells at him in Italian. It happens a lot."
Josh: "... I try to talk about football with Brent, but the guy's a fucking pansy. I was like, 'So, did you play any sports as a kid?' And he's like, '... Does tennis count?' Tennis. Tennis. Kyle plays tennis."
Kyle: "And what is that supposed to mean?"
Josh: "Just making a point that it's not the manliest sport out there."
Kyle: "Um, Josh, the Williams sisters play tennis. It's pretty damn manly."
Dad: "OKAY, I AGREE WITH JOSH. EVERYONE SHUT UP OR GET OUT OF MY HOUSE."
Jordan: "Our house."
Dad: "DID YOU PAY FOR IT?! NO. I DIDN'T THINK SO."
Rachel: "... Jordan, please never insinuate this is your and my dad's house ever again. Please."
Jordan: "But--"
Dad: "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU DAMN COMMIE."
Jordan: "THAT'S OFFENSIVE."
Dad: "WHATEVER."

P.S. Am I the only who finds it hilarious when Joe calls Chris 'babe' and then Chris gets really mad?

Haha, oh, Dad... xD

John: "So, last night, for some stupid reason, I stayed up and watched A Charlie Brown Christmas."
Mom: "... What is a Charlie Brown?"
Dad: "That boy with a circle for a head."
Mom: "I thought he had an American football for a head."
Dad: "That is Arnold, from that one cartoon Elaine and Gregory used to watch. Charles Brown wears a yellow shirt and has a circle head. Also, unlike Arnold, not one friend of his is black."
Mom: "... Oh. Yes, that Charlie Brown. The one with the friend named after that candy?"
Dad: "Ah, yes, Peppermint Patty."
Mom: "I remember him."
Dad: "He had a shitty Christmas tree."
Me: "WOW, VATI."
Dad: "I CURSED IN ENGLISH! AHA, I AM SO... WHAT IS THAT OTHER WORD... BADASS, YOU SAY? I AM ONE BADASS MOTHERFUCKER."
Mom: "Dear!"
Dad: "DO NOT DESTROY MY FUN, WOMAN."
Greg: "... It was supposed to be a symbol."
Dad: "... The tree?"
Greg: "Ja, the tree!"
Dad: "A symbol of how horrible American forests are. That tree is small, because the amount of trees in this country is small."
Greg: "I do not... think that is it..."
Aaron: "Dude, break up with my sister while you can."
John: "... No... it's fine... This is really... entertaining."
Aaron: "When you guys get married, my dad is probably going to make a speech while drunk off of German beer."
John: "... How... exciting. Can't wait."
Greg: "They have not been dating for long! Do not speak of marriage between Elaine and John. Vater will yell at you."
Dad: "WHAT ABOUT VATER?"
Greg: "... JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU."
Dad: "Aha, yes! All my children love their Vater so! Especially my darling little Elaine! *pinches my cheeks* So cute! So adorable! You are quite the stunning young woman, my little angel. And to marry such a handsome, German man!"
John: "Well, I'm really only like three-fourths German... there's some other stuff mixed in..."
Dad: "You are part German. You think of it that way. You are also such a smart man for going after such a perfect young lady! I do applaud you on your choice. It is the German in you that helps you make the right decisions! Someday, this family will welcome you with open arms. More open than they already are, and believe me, that will be quite an accomplishment!"
John: "I'm so glad I have your approval."
Dad: "OF COURSE! I shall have a son to bond with!"
Greg: "Um... hello?"
Dad: "What do your friends say, Elaine? Gregory, you do not count."
Greg: "WHY NOT?"
Dad: "You refused to come to Berlin with us last summer! How distasteful! I love you, as you are my son, but John here at least wants to travel to Germany with me!"
Me: "... You do?"
John: "Apparently so."
Mom: "The drinking age is eighteen. Perhaps, in a couple years, you will take him to Oktoberfest in Munich, dear."
Dad: "AND THE FATHER OF RACHEL! HE IS MOST WONDERFUL!"
Mom: "And what about Jordan?"
Dad: "The Russian must go back to Russia. Damn communists."
Mom: "Dear..."
Dad: "LET ME EAT MY DINNER, WOMAN."

Josh: "I feel bad for Kurt."
Kyle: "Why?"
Josh: "Because he's gay."
Kyle: "... So is that, in a round about way, saying you feel bad for me?"
Josh: "... Um--"
Kyle: "No, I get it, I get it. It's cool."
Josh: "I was never implying I felt bad for you. I'm just saying he only has his dad. And he's a girl."
Me: "... *raises hand* Mmhmm, what were saying, Josh?"
Josh: "Yeah, well, you don't count."
Kyle: "I guess he's right. I mean, I have my mom. She 'gets' me. Or tries to. I think."
Josh: "... Well, my parent is of the opposite gender, so it's kind of awkward for me."
Kyle: "What did I just get done saying?"
Josh: "A, it's finished, and B, you're basically a chick, so you don't count."
Kyle: "A, Aikawa is the grammar Nazi, and B, thanks."
Josh: "I didn't mean it in the offensive way."
Kyle: "NO, I think you did. Don't discriminate against me for being a homosexual! Or Chris! Or Seth! Or Mister Rachel's dad! Or Jordan!"
Dad: "NOT A HOMOSEXUAL."
Kyle: "Um, you're dating a guy. Unless the common laws of nature have been lying to me for the past eighteen years, yeah, you're gay."
Dad: "I DO NOT LIKE MEN."
Kyle: "So I suppose Jordan is really a woman?"
Chris: "SHAME ON YOU. I DID NOT THINK THEY WOULD CONDONE THAT BEHAVIOR IN THE SOVIET UNION."
Jordan: "RUSSIA, KID. IT'S RUSSIA."
Chris: "No, you guys are still crazy commies. You're still buddy-buddy with China."
Jordan: "Ever heard of the Sino-Soviet Split?"
Chris: "You mean the one I refuse to recognize?"
Jordan: "... What? It happened. Russia is not communist, for the love of God."
Chris: "TO THE PRISON WITH YOU. GOD IS NOT ALLOWED IN THE SOVIET UNION!"
Jordan: "All you fucking fascists."
Chris: "Deep down, I AM AN AMERICAN."
Jordan: "YOU'RE FUCKING ITALIAN!"
Chris: "I'M AN AMERICAN. GOD BLESS THE QUEEN!"
Kyle: "... That's England's national anthem, Chris."
Chris: "... Wait, what did I say?"
Kyle: "The queen."
Chris: "FUCK. I MEANT AMERICA."
Aikawa: "DIE DEUTSCHE NATIONALHYMNE!"
Kyle: "That's Germany."
Aikawa: "BUNDESREPUBLIK DEUTSCHLAND!"
Kyle: "Still Germany."
Aikawa: "Whatever. Do you know the French anthem?"
Kyle: "No. I'm American."
Chris: "FRATELLI D'ITALIA! I know some of the words. Only because my mom walks around the house and sings it. And then my dad sings Mazurek Dąbrowskiego. And then they fight over whose is better. And then I sing, 'GOD BLESS AMERICA, LAND THAT I LOVE, BLAH BLAH BLAH', and they tell me to shut up."
Aikawa: "My dad loves singing die deutsche Nationalhymne, 'Das Lied der Deutschen'. And then my mom gets mad at him because it's wrong to sing that in America. And he tells her to 'STOP IT, WOMAN' but in German."
Josh: "I... am a pure American. So eat it."
Jeremy: "... My parents are WASPS."
Josh: "Hey?"
Jeremy: "Yeah?"
Josh: "Fuck you, man. Take it all away from me."
Dad: "Okay, everyone? Out of my house. Enough about fratells de Italy, or douchey das, or whatever you Germans call it, and enough about whatever the fuck else Chris said. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE."

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/crush/attack-of-the-giant-boyfriends/331?nc

Rachel, I DEMAND that you send your picture in.

I DEMAND that you go fuck yourself.

Because that's mean. And it's not funny.

Haha, I like how that post started a new page. Meanie!

At the mall:

Josh: "Here, smell this perfume."
Me: "... Okay..."
Josh: "*sprays it in my face* Oops."
Me: "JOSH."
Josh: "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT."
Kyle: "I think it smells nice."
Josh: "Yeah?"
Kyle: "Mmhmm."
Me: "I DON'T LIKE IT."
Josh: "Oh..."
Kyle: "Well, I like it, so it's okay."

Later:

John: "... You smell like a Bath and Body Works."
Me: "I know. Josh sprayed perfume in my face."
John: "Well, it's nice, at least."
Kyle: "TOLD you it was awesome."
Me: "SHUT UP, KYLE."
Rachel: "... What's up over here?"
Kyle: "Where the hell have you been?"
Jeremy: "... Eating? I thought that's what we were splitting up to do."
Rachel: "... Yeah... I saved you some fries."
Kyle: "Really? :D"
Rachel: "Well, I did, but then I ate them."
Kyle: "O: I hate you."
Josh: "We can go get lunch."
Kyle: "Well... okay! Like a date~?"
Josh: "No, not like a date."
Kyle: "Why not?"
Josh: "Because we're with our friends...?"
Kyle: "Hey guys?"
Jeremy: "Yeah?"
Kyle: "Go home."
Me: "I still have to go that bookstore."
John: "I'll take you."
Me: "Thanks."
John: "Yeah. I gotta grab a book anyway."

Later:

Josh: "Kyle, stop drooling over that cut-out of Taylor Lautner."
Kyle: "But he's so hot."
Josh: "... Whatever."
Kyle: "But you're hot, too! :D"
Josh: "I feel so loved."
Kyle: "YOU'RE MEAN."
Josh: "I WASN'T TRYING TO BE!"
Kyle: "APOLOGIZE TO ME."
Josh: "SORRY, SORRY!"
Random Passerby: "... o.o"
Kyle: "And that's what you do when you have your boyfriend whipped."
Josh: "SHUT UP, KYLE."

Even later:

Kyle: "HOT TOPIC IS SCARY."
Josh: "Way to yell that, while in the store."
Kyle: "WHO LIKES THIS KIND OF CREEPY STUFF?!"
John: "They have cool T-shirts :/"
Josh: "Yeah, man! *high five*"
Kyle: "I, FOR ONE, FEEL REALLY CREEPED OUT. I THINK THE DEVIL IS EATING MY SOUL."
Employee: "... o.o"
Kyle: "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? THAT'S IT--I'M STANDING OUTSIDE. I DON'T WANT TO BE POSSESSED BY SATAN ANY LONGER! *grabs me and Rachel* WE'RE LEAVING."

A usual day at the mall.

I think Colonel and I had the same Hot Topic conversation yesterday. =w=

I'm embarrassed to be in public with my friends. This happened while at the movie theater.

Me: "*trying to watch movie*"
Kyle: "*making out with Josh very LOUDLY*"
Me: "*eye twitch*"
Chris: "GUYS. SERIOUSLY. STOP. I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE MOVIE."
Josh: "*one finger salute*"
Chris: "HEY, MAN, FUCK YOU TOO."
Kyle: "Chris, don't be jealous because Joe isn't here."
Chris: "I'M NOT JEALOUS. AT LEAST I DON'T SUCK HIS FACE DURING MOVIES. ESPECIALLY NOT LETTERS TO JULIET."
Josh: "This is a romantic film, and I'm feeling the love."
Kyle: "Yeah?"
Josh: "Hell yeah."
Kyle: "*hops into his seat* Feeling it even more now?"
Josh: "Fuck, Kyle."
Me: "This is so inappropriate..."
Lady Behind Us: "Um, we're trying to watch the movie... This is kind of a family film..."
Josh: "We're just sharing candy intimately. Pay no attention."
Lady: "That's... not what I meant."
Chris: "SHE MEANS YOU TWO ARE BEING RETARDED ASSHATS THAT NEED TO STOP SWAPPING SPIT DURING THIS MOVIE."
Kyle: "Fine. Josh, I have to use the bathroom."
Josh: "Really? Me too."
Kyle: "Awesome!"

And they never came back. I just... don't want to know.

Rachel: "Hey, where's Kyle and Josh?"
Jeremy: "... You didn't just hear that entire thing?"
Rachel: "No. I was watching the movie."
Jeremy: "I'll, uh... tell you later."
Rachel: "*oblivious* Okay."

I. Love. School.

Lisa, my friend: "Hey, Kyle, what time is it?"
Kyle: "SUMMER TIME!"
Lisa: "... Wow."
Kyle: "What?"
Lisa: "I know it shouldn't, but sometimes, it really amazes me how gay you are."
Kyle: "... Thanks?"
Lisa: "Oh, yeah, no problem."

AND I GOT JOSH INTO HETALIA. Frankie's boyfriend helped me get past the school's wireless security, so I was messing around on the interwebs, giggling like an idiot over Hetalia, and Josh just kind of walked over and sat down next to me.

Josh: "Dude, what kind of bullshit are you watching?"
Me: "Axis Powers Hetalia, or Hetalia Axis Powers. Whichever."
Josh: "... Axis Powers?"
Me: "Yeah."
Josh: "As in... World War II?"
Me: "Yeah. *points to screen* See, that's Germany!"
Josh: "So these guys are gay personifications of actual countries?"
Me: "... How'd you know they're gay?"
Josh: "Because that dude keeps hugging that dude."
Me: "That's Italy."
Josh: "Yeah, I guessed."
Me: "How?"
Josh: "Well, Germany and Italy were good allies during World War II, until Italy--"
Me: "YAWN."
Josh: "This is interesting. So their alliance is portrayed in a cartoon-form homosexual relationship?"
Me: "... I guess."
Josh: "This is interesting. Is this just about World War II?"
Me: "No, they go back and forward in time and shit."
Josh: "Oh. So, are the United States and England gay for each other? If we're going by present-day relationships, then--"
Me: "YAWN. No. England is gay for France."
Josh: "England and France never really had a good relationship over history."
Me: "Hate sex."
Josh: "Oh. What about the United States and Japan?"
Me: "They're best friends."
Josh: "... The United States and Canada?"
Me: "They're brothers. They're into incest."
Josh: "Oh. China and North Korea?"
Me: "... North Korea isn't in here."
Josh: "... Oh. Yeah. I see. What about... China and Russia? Do they demonstrate the Sino-Soviet Split? How about Russia and Cuba? And Germany and France? And Germany and Austria? And Austria and Hungary? And Italy and Spain? And the United States and Cuba? And England and Spain? And--"
Me: "... Just watch the show."
Josh: "... Okay."

You're welcome. He's only in it for the History, though... ;_; BUT OH WELL! HE LIKES IT.

Josh: "WHOA, IS THAT FRANCE?"
Me: "How'd you know?"
Josh: "BECAUSE IT'S KYLE. ONLY MORE MANLY. AND WITH BLUE EYES."

I love American holidays. Greg, Aaron, and I always get really patriotic. Especially Greg. I don't know if he does it just to piss Dad off, but if he does, then it's working xD Hell, it's BEEN working.

Greg: "HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, DAD!"
Dad: "That's 'Vater' to you."
Greg: "NO WAY. I am... Err, I meant, I'M going to call you 'Dad', because this is an AMERICAN holiday, and I'm an AMERICAN. Uh... FUCK YEAH!"
Dad: "... Oh... How... wonderful. What a great... idea... to act like an... American. I hope you... enjoy it."
Greg: "I AM. Do you see my shirt?"
Dad: "... It is the American flag."
Greg: "HELL YEAH. I even made cupcakes."
Dad: "Oh, I love cupcakes!"
Greg: "WITH RED, WHITE, AND BLUE ICING!"
Dad: "... Ah, what about the colors red, yellow, and black...? They are the best, you know..."
Greg: "HELL 'NAW. I'M CELEBRATING THE LAND OF THE FREE AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE. DID YOU SEE THE FLAG I HUNG UP IN THE BASEMENT?"
Dad: "... You did not..."
Greg: "I replaced the German one with the American one. I think we're all gonna go down in the basement later and sign the national anthem. Yeah?"
Me: "Yeah! :D"
Aaron: "OF COURSE! :D"
Dad: "... How... fun."
Mom: "Dear, settle down. Let the children have their fun. They just want to celebrate their country."
Dad: "I do not see why we cannot celebrate my country like this. They do not get so excited when it comes time to have a Tag der Deutschen Einheit celebration..."
Mom: "German Unity Day is not so important to them. They are Americans."
Dad: "I dislike this."
Mom: "Dear, this happens every year... Do you not remember the fourth of July last year?"

Last year's 4th of July:

Greg: "I ASKED THE NEIGHBORS IF I COULD HAVE SOME OF THEIR FIREWORKS, AND THEY SAID YES."
Aaron: "NO WAY O:"
Greg: "... Uh... FUCK YEAH. WE'RE LIGHTING THEM TONIGHT! AND EATING CAKE!"
Dad: "Cake?"
Greg: "RED, WHITE, AND BLUE CAKE."
Dad: "... Red, yellow, and black cake?"
Greg: "THIS IS AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY, DAD."
Dad: "I do not see what is so special about it."
Greg: "Dude, are you kidding me? It's the day we KICKED GREAT BRITAIN'S ASS. This is the day we celebrate when we wrote a Constitution that was basically a big 'Fuck you, England!'. THIS IS THE BEST HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR."
Dad: "I can think of plenty of holidays that are better than today..."
Greg: "YEAH, WELL, WE'RE NOT IN GERMANY, NOW ARE WE?"
Dad: "This is a waste of time."
Greg: "A waste of time? A WASTE OF TIME?! WE'RE CELEBRATING THE GREATEST NATION IN HISTORY, DAD."
Dad: "... Germany is the greatest nation in history."
Greg: "Remind me who slaughtered over six million Jews? And others?"
Dad: "YOUR GRANDFATHER LEFT BEFORE HE COULD MURDER ANYBODY."
Greg: "... I just meant in general."
Dad: "I AM GOING TO DO A CROSSWORD. DO NOT BOTHER ME."
Greg: "... Okay..."
Aaron: "... So does that mean we're not allowed to light the fireworks?!"
Greg: "No, it's cool."
Aaron: "AWESOME."

((Dad likes sweets, by the way xD Especially cake.))

http://love.givesmehope.com/view/Love/11046

Guess who this reminded me of.